Don't Ever Get Drunk!
A big compilation of shaming pictures, let this lend an early warning to you guys to not pass out before everyone else this new years eve!
Don't Ever Get Drunk!
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Great American Douchebag - Mr. Latenight Drunk Dialer|
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Comments to Don't Ever Get Drunk!
i'd hit it
Damn gotta love the one of the guy burning the passed out dude. A little extreme but still funny.
Yup. I am the kind of friend that will set you on fire if you pass out.
FAKE, all of them
actually, the guy duct taped up to the pipe has gotta be the worst. imagine waking up finally, all hung over, needing to piss (if he hadnt already) or needing to PUKE. fuckaneh, humans are brutal.
You've obviously never had a drink in your life , have you ?
Makes me glad I don't drink or have jerks for friends.
Well, I do drink. However, I just make sure that I'm not the first person to fall asleep or pass out. They wont do anything dangerous or mean, but the girls do carry makeup for the sole purpose of putting it on the first person to fall asleep.
thats why drinking is illegal in iran,
^and thats why i left the fucking country
Go back.
i wont
tampon in the mouth is the worst.
i should know.
you cunt
The worst one honestly, is having passed out and waking up in a different city...
O.O that could have just been me though.
waking up on the side of a street against a building in downtown detroit, with my fists and arms with someone elses blood on them, and a HUGE mother fucking bruise on my side basically pitch black and the size of a football.
walking to the ramada hotel, basically sneaking into their bathrooms (since they have the door locked, or did at the time, i just managed to catch it just after someone had opened it) resting in there for a bit after checking myself in the mirror to make sure i hadn't been all cut up or something or my nose wasn't busted up or had been bleeding (to help explain the blood on my fists and arms).
sitting in one of the stalls getting my bearings only to have 2 guys come in to the bathroom, one of them talking about how hes fucking another chick, starts taking a piss as his cell phone rings (its his wife obviously)... gets off the phone after telling her that hes going to be late at work tonight (cuz he told the other guy hes going to fuck this other chick) then starts pissing, as soon as he starts trying to piss he starts SCREAMING like in pain trying to piss.. for like 30 seconds he is screaming in pain just trying to pee.. finally they leave and i'm alone in there to try to remember what happend... i start to remember that i bought a mini pitcher of coors light (thats all they had on tap) and i had a few sips of it but i thought it tasted really fucking weird, so i gave it to my friend to try and she was like wow that is really weird tasting... about 15 minutes later i don't remember anything until i woke up looking at all the ants eating my puke while sitting against a building.
SO, i go up to the one clerk and ask if there is a payphone, cuz i obviously am stranded in the middle of detroit since the friends i was with had abandoned me... and well i can't fucking remember the offices number (this is when i was doing web design and shit) so i have to phone my MOTHER back in saskatoon (where i am right now for christmas.. and am bored waiting for 5am to come around so i can take my shitty flights back to windsor and get some sleep), she answers the phone and i'm like hey mom... i don't suppose you could give me the number to the office huh? (i never really called the office so i didn't know it too well, and at the time i had all my contacts on my cell so i didn't have to remember anything... not to mention i think i had a concussion :P)
so shes like uh.... whats wrong? is something wrong?
and i'm all like nah everythings fine i just forgot the number and needed to call them for something...
so i get it.. phone them and i believe pat answered (admin), anyway whoever answered was like OMG YOU ARE ALIVE!
of course i'm alive i tell them what the fuck happend to them last night? so they go on to tell me that we were all together, i was acting pretty silent the whole night not really my usual self (if any of you knew me or met me at a bar you'd know i don't have a problem talking to people very often) and at the end of the night we all went to the exit, one of my friends went to the bathroom, the others were just there and turned around or were talking and next second they couldn't find me.
waited around till everyone in the club was gone, and asked the bouncers if they could look for me (this is cityclub a goth bar thats pretty neat although really dingy inside, and there are a few places that are pretty dark or shit like that they figured maybe i was there or something looking for them whatever)
so they don't find me, they keep looking for me outside for a bit, don't find me. so they assume that i called a girl i knew in windsor to hang out and i was probably at her place (obviously they were fucking way drunker then i was, since i would never go do something like that)
so i'm like can you fucks come get me please :P
so i go outside, to wait for them and theres a fucking biker convention outside (of course)... i'm sitting there and they are like cat calling EVERYONE that walks by, and this totally trashy girl walks by with this dress thats showing off her entire back and ass crack, they start yelling WHA CHEW DOIN TRYIN TO GIT A PLUMBIN DEGREE THERE?
i get picked up, and the first fucking thing they say is "you smell like hobo", i'm like no shit i spent the night in fucking detroit on the streets... we get back to the office and i start calling other people who were there to see if they could help piece together what happend... emily (the girl who tried some of my beer basically blacked out on the dance floor as she was dancing, said she couldn't feel her legs and started feeling like she was floating) and everyone else started telling me about some chick who was really hitting on me, and i guess i didn't want anything to do with her, and well.. she had a boyfriend who was sitting beside me as she was basically grinding against me and hitting on me, so i told him to pay more attention to his girlfriend... which brings me to the overly long ending...
if you go to a club and your beer tastes fucked up, don't fucking drink it :P
wow that was quite a textblock.. beat that!
god i have so many fucked up stories like that, i'm really really surprised i'm not dead.
I'm not aware of too many things,
but I know what I know if you know what I mean.
Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box.
Religion is the smile on a dog.
I'm not aware of too many things,
but I know what I know if you know what I mean.
Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep.
What I am is what I am.
Are you what you are - or what?
I'm not aware of too many things,
but I know what I know if you know what I mean.
Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks.
Religion is a light in the fog.
I'm not aware of too many things,
but I know what I know if you know what I mean.
Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep.
What I am is what I am.
Are you what you are - or what?
Don't let me get too deep.
i that song
^hate
yeah i figured you hated it, considering you pasted the lyrics only makes fucking sense huh
once i got into an argument with a friend of a friend at the horseshoe tavern in toronto....eventually he decided we would go outside to commence my beating...i'm waiting outside for what seemed an hour talking to a few people , basically forgot about the whole thing when all of a sudden the guy comes out and kicks the crap out of me...smashes my face into bricks and such...so i regain cosciousness and discover that the bouncer thinks ,for some reason that bleeding guys are bad for business so he pays a cab driver to take me to a hospital. I must have been some how belligerent to someone at the hospital because I was asked to please get the fuck out. Untill this big curly haired guy with a beard comes out of nowhere. Claiming to be an attorney...my attorney..even produces some kind of bar card or something, Anyway he goes on about how "This man needs medical attention" (me) so I'm feeling all invincible smoking cigarrettes inside the hospital. I get all stitched up and they send me away... 2 days later at a very seedy bar called The Canada House I run into my lawyer...selling daggers in the bathroom.
thank you
I have woken up covered in blood a few times I remember one time in particular we were at a shit hole in the wall and they had this back room that was opened 24 hours and you had to have a membership to be in there past a certain time I had been flirting with the bartender a week or so ago earlier and she was letting me and a few guys stay after the cut off time as you can imagine it being a membership thing the people there were quite known to one another well we were playing pool I say we but it was my friend gary and he was winning and talking all sort of shit as people do when they play pool so when he got done i guess he was still in shit talk mode because a guy me and my buddy mike who was also there had met a week ago came up to introduce his coisin to us me and mike were like hey whats up but gary just says "fuck you bitch" the other guy says fuck me what and breaks his nose I jumped up to try to grab gary from falling off the stool and mike slugs the guy back and all hell breaks loose I didn't really like gary to much and had no intention of catching a beating on his behalf but mike got hit with a bottle so i just started swinging and took out the guy who hit mike and also busted the guy who hit gary but then the guy whos cousin hit gary blindsided me me other two buddies that were with us weren't much help as they were kindo pussies, any way this was not the kind of place that calls police so after catching a sound beating they let us gather our belongings and gary who was out cold and call a cab the next morning i wake up and work was calling my house looking for gary because he had not shown up for his shift I rolled off the couch gary was on the floor covered in blood and i looked not much better we had to take mike to get stitches and gary got fired I had two black eyes and my lips were split but no real damage. all in all it was a pretty shitty next day
you win
one night i woke up covered in blood because i had gone into some hip hop club and beat the shit out of all these black guys that were giving me the eye. as usual, a bunch of hot chicks were hitting on me, all models that were in town for a shoot. i decided to fuck them all because i was feeling bored, even though normally i'd have made them buy me a few things before giving them even a peek at the goods. later on, P. Diddy and Vin Diesel decided to come up to me and tell me how badass it was that I kicked everyones ass and fucked all the chicks. i just said "did i say you could speak?" and they looked at me like they were going to say something but thought better and scurried away. later on i found out michael jordan was in the club so i found him sitting next to his usual posse and said "you know what? i want you to kiss my ass in front of all these people". he looked at me for a long time. i could tell he was very angry. but i just gave him a stern look and before i knew it he was on his knees puckering up for an ass-kissing. it was one hell of a night. ive got tons of stories just like this that happen to me all the time.
hahahaha
One night I didn't bother reading the really really long stories.
mines not bad but the other guy's stories are shit
I showed up to this big ass party at some guy's house. He has this huge backyard that stretches back to somewhere near Navasota, and it's filled with probably 600-700 underage, drunk Aggies. So my buddies and I are cruising from keg to keg, makin' the rounds, getting drunk, etc. This group of 4 hot-ass girls starts talking to me and my bud for awhile. These girls are trashed and falling all over themselves. All of a sudden the damn College Station PD shows up, and since they didn't have any "real" crimes to bust (jaywalking, etc.), they busted the kick-ass party. The 4 hotties disappeared quicker than Newt Gingrich at a Nation of Islam rally. So my buddies and I are left standing there, and the place is pretty empty since almost everyone was underage. So I decide to have a little fun with the cop, and as he walks up I look around really nervous, and then I chug my whole cup of beer in front of him. He asks for my ID, and I say, "Coming right up, occifer!". I had only had a couple beers at this point and wasn't feeling anything, so I was just kidding around with the cop. He gets this look on his face like he just passed a kidney stone and says, "Son, public intoxication is no laughing matter. Step over here please." He proceeds to give me a field sobriety test to see if I was drunk. I passed, and he threatens me with some more tough police-talk, and then takes off. So we leave the party and head to Northgate. We go to the Chicken and miraculously get a table next to some fat rednecks. Well, they made the dumb mistake of challenging us to a contest to see which table could drink more pitchers of beer, with the losers having to pay for all the winners' beer. So we're like, "Bring it on, Cletus!". Between the 4 of us we drank 9 pitchers of beer to the rednecks' 8 pitchers. The good thing was that we drank all of it for free since we won. The bad news was that we were all severely fucked up. So we walk (stumble) to the Dry Bean, which is a shot bar, and take a few shots. Then one of my buds pukes on the guy checking IDs at the door as we're leaving. Needless to say, he was a tad bit upset I remember laughing and telling the guy that I knew a great dry-cleaner in town, as my buddies pulled me out the door before we got all our asses kicked. So we're walking around Northgate, trying to remember where the car is parked, when lo and behold, we get harassed by some more College Station cops on bicycles. We are all clearly trashed, and so one of my friends is about to be arrested for public intoxication. Ironically, this was also the guy who was supposed to drive us home. So I reach into my bag of tricks, put on my most sober-looking face, and start telling the cops this bullshit story about how my friend is supposed to fly home the next day to see his grandmother, who is dying of cancer and has something like 2 weeks to live, and if he goes to jail he might never see her again, and he was all sad and that's why he was drinking, etc etc. Well, the cop bought it and let us all go. As we drive by, we honked and waved at the bike cops. All in all it was a good night.
I went to the pub one night, got shit-faced and went home!
I got beat up once by a couple of guys from the HMS Liverpool in Abu Dhabi. I was drinking with the brits and we were al getting along. Then, the subject of royalty came up, and I was like "Fuck the queen!"
Got one eye swoll almost shut and in a lot of trouble on my ship for being involved in an 'international incident.'
hehe hank
lmao @ everyone ...especially Hank.
... -.- And I wonder why i quit drinking.
these are pretty funny actually
-Agrees
haha that one with the marker tux was easily the best one.
maybe the duct tape one also..
Morph longs for the day when he gets drunk and his friends duct tape KFC to the ceiling just out of his reach. That would be funny,.
sexy.
:( i thought stacking furniture on people was a unique idea we came up with. apparently everyone does it...
soundtrack should have been "thats what friends are for"
Marker ink must be a fucker to remove, but harmless and funny, as are all the make-up and furniture stacking ones. But if anyone ever set me on fire I would cause them some serious harm.
If it wasn't for you yak.. i prolly would have got drunk and fell asleep first.
I really need to quit drinking.
Quitters never win.
Well you better be telling me that as you are peeling me off the street. The way I have been drinking lately is emabassing.
Don't let this Chris guy get to you. Drinking yourself stupid should be done for fun not to try to "run" from a problem. Tell him to fuck off and don't deal with him anymore.
Delilah needs a good drinkin' buddy.
No this Chris guy I was seeing only a few weeks, and that is not enough for emotional attachment. Once I throw something in the garbage, I don't reach back for it. Anyway, I'm debating on getting drunk tonight. And as you said quitters never win.
I got a bottle of Jack sitting right here I'll do a shot with you.
Lucky you. The liquor store is closed and am too lazy to change to go out. I started drinking some beer left over from Christmas. God i hate piss water.
Beer works just not as fast. If I send a butt pic I really get a tit shot?
If I could, I'd share my beer with you guys.
ahh, I feel the love.
Well I had no idea the mucho community had such interest in seeing you ass, it seems. You should post it on here so that everyone can see your almighty ass. But, basically the deal was to make a good trade. and that seems fair to me....Are you really that hairy?
Apathy, I need a new drinking buddy. My sister and I get way to hammered. Not as much as a drinking buddy as a babysitter. You get paid double on holidays.
Sweet!!
Well 1rish, am I gonna be the first on the see you muscular back side or what?
Yep, you'll see it. Remember though, a deal is a deal.
Yeah, yeah, sure. Now strike your best pose.
That doesn't sound very promising from your end. So far you have been trustworthy though.
you motherfucker
Hahaha, maybe now you'll take my advice.
if we could deja in on this, we could make sure both parties keep their word.
if she gets 1rish's and not delilah's, she just won't post it. and vice versa, but i doubt we'll have that problem.
Shes not sending it to MS, just to that bastard! Fuck!